Kerry, age 5
Buffalo, New York (1954)
I loved getting dressed up as a kid, and meeting the
Easter Bunny was the perfect opportunity. My older brother always squirmed when our mom dressed us like this, but I really looked forward to it.
I always felt different from the other boys.
While they seemed to get all excited about baseball or football (and anything having to do with balls), I would rather sing and dance and play with the girls. This was strongly discouraged by my parents, but I knew what I liked.
I was about age 10 when I realized I was attracted to boys. My first crush was a boy on my football team. To get his attention I would offer to carry his jacket, helmet, or anything of his to show my interest.
He thought I was strange, as did my brother. And that made me feel really sad.
As time went on, and I had more crushes, it became difficult to feel good about myself.
Playing sports became an exercise in hiding my affections. It wasn't much fun, but my dad insisted I play all the time. He was the first bully in my life.
Being a good Catholic boy and going to religious schools only reinforced the feeling that I was unacceptable. Not only in my family's eyes, but even in God's eyes. I never came out until I was age 47, and married with one child. I regret that I waited so long to come out, but today I'm happy I can be myself now.
I now know that I was born this way, and I celebrate this whenever I can.
I'm concerned about today's gay youth and the bullying they may endure.
It does get better, but we need to give them much support along the way.
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"