February 28, 2011

Marco

Marco, age 5
Chianciano Terme, Italy (1961)

This photo was taken during summer, at a café table in a spa town in Italy.
My mom, dad, and my brother and I all sat in these very modern, 1960's chrome chairs. However, I was the only one who crossed my legs - and, I must admit, in a very flirtatious way! When I was a child, I loved all the female singers that were popular in my country, but with the secret desire to be like them!

I am certain that nobody "becomes homosexual," and many of our childhood behaviors, events, and choices are revealing.

Except to our parents, who almost always do not capture the true meaning of it all.

Rather, they document it precisely with the opposite intention: to normalize what would otherwise be seen as embarrassing.

Many of us understood very well what was going on, even if we didn't have the tools to express it.

As children, we almost never censor ourselves, putting forth those features which, when older, we would be ashamed of. I knew it all from very early on, and even if I thought it was wrong, I couldn't be any other way. So I spent a lot of thoughts and energy that could have been better spent otherwise. If only my feelings didn't have obstacles back then.

Seeing this picture now, I think: Wasn't it so obvious that I was gay from the beginning?! My mother knew and would ask me occasionally during my 20's, but I didn't actually admit it and come out to her until age 45. To my surprise, she was very happy and said, "Didn't you think you could have told me before?"
So I'm happy I got to tell her, before she died.

So, my message to all young gay people now is:
Tell it without fear - because your photos will tell it anyway...

As for my first, famous-person same sex crush?
Wow, I don't remember, it was 50 years ago!

Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

3 comments:

lucia said...

nice to come here and to find somebody from Italy! :)
all my support to the Italian LBGTQ people, it is an hard time, but it has to finish!
ciao!

Fowl Ideas said...

It's common knowledge that homosexuality is as genetically predetermined as height. A co-worker of mine is gay and periodically expressed his frustration at having no understanding of why people hate homosexuals. I usually tried to explain that people need enemies. Countries need enemies. Companies need competitors. Our culture's most popular sports involve violence toward one's opponents...etc.

It's no longer socially acceptable to go around beating up black people or Jews, so those who most need someone to hate simply target a group that hasn't become widely accepted yet. Just remember that those who hate you for being gay should best be envisioned wearing a large white sheet.

The demographics of bigots and their victims varies, but the character of the bigot is like a mathematical constant.

Jeffrey Schueler said...

What an adorable little boy. Even at five years of age, you had some gay style.