April 06, 2012

Kerry

Kerry, age 5
Buffalo, New York (1954)

I loved getting dressed up as a kid, and meeting the Easter Bunny was the perfect opportunity. My older brother always squirmed when our mom dressed us like this, but I really looked forward to it.

I always felt different from the other boys.

While they seemed to get all excited about baseball or football (and anything having to do with balls), I would rather sing and dance and play with the girls. This was strongly discouraged by my parents, but I knew what I liked.

I was about age 10 when I realized I was attracted to boys. My first crush was a boy on my football team. To get his attention I would offer to carry his jacket, helmet, or anything of his to show my interest.

He thought I was strange, as did my brother. And that made me feel really sad.

As time went on, and I had more crushes, it became difficult to feel good about myself.

Playing sports became an exercise in hiding my affections. It wasn't much fun, but my dad insisted I play all the time. He was the first bully in my life.

Being a good Catholic boy and going to religious schools only reinforced the feeling that I was unacceptable. Not only in my family's eyes, but even in God's eyes. I never came out until I was age 47, and married with one child. I regret that I waited so long to come out, but today I'm happy I can be myself now.

I now know that I was born this way, and I celebrate this whenever I can.

I'm concerned about today's gay youth and the bullying they may endure.
It does get better, but we need to give them much support along the way.
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Also check out "My First Gay Crush Blog"

3 comments:

Sunny said...

Thank you for sharing your story!
How sad (but all too common) that your dad was the first bully in your life. Did he ever come to appreciate you for you?

Bi Like Me said...

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http://bilikeme2.blogspot.com

Revolutionist. said...

Sorry to hear your story. For a long time I thought I would end up the same if it weren't for a couple experiences.

myundisclosedadolesence.blogspot.com